Glen AtwellAn Essendon supporter's letter to Matthew Knights
May 6th 2008 11:18
Justin Shannon is an Essendon supporter. He's not happy with the way the Bombers are travelling at the moment. He decided to pen a letter to coach Matthew Knights.
Essendon Football Club
Attn: Matthew Knights 7/284 Barkers Road
PO Box 17
ESSENDON VIC 3040
Dear Matthew,
RE: Essendon Football Club Membership 305761
I’ve had occasion to write to your predecessor over the years and I must say that I feel as
though I became a close confidant of Sheeds. He came to me when he needed someone to
tell things exactly as they see them. And I didn’t mince my words, Matthew, I gave it to him
straight.
You haven’t needed me yet, but after the insipid debacle and abysmal coaching performance I unfortunately endured yesterday, I thought you might need a few home truths.
Firstly, could you give me some idea of what was going through your mind with your initial
match ups? Johns on Pendlebury? Michael on Lockyer? Windydick on Medhurst? One could only assume that you had a piece of the Pies at 73 with TAB Sportsbet.
I must say I appreciate that you’re attempting to introduce a fast attacking style of football. But I think what you don’t get is that you can’t do that with the muppets still on our list:
a) they have to be quick
b) they have to be able to sustain that quickness for more than 30 minutes
c) it helps if they don’t call for the saw dust when they get the ball.
Let’s take a look at a few of my favourites:
Jason Laycock – 5 years for 50 possessions. I wouldn’t call that a great return on investment. He is a big, lumbering, useless dope. He just plain doesn’t care. Sally Robbins has more of a go than this dud. Remember that Aussie classic David Williamson’s The Club? Laycock is Geoff Hayward. I’d actually get him drug tested just to ensure he hasn’t seen any golden winged seagulls. He should never play for Essendon again. Full stop.
Courtney Johns – do I even need to say anything or did the article in today’s Age just sum it up? Another who should never play for Essendon again. Cut your losses. He should be embarrassed to earn money for that performance. He should be offering to pay Essendon back for the money he’s thieved off them over the last four years. Just to add insult to injury he’s not an attractive man and really doesn’t have a lot going for him.
Jobe Watson – also known as the Butcher. I do like the fact that Jobe at least has a go but
his skill and pace are deplorable. Do you think there’s a reason why he gets 30 touches a
game? The opposition coaches don’t bother manning up on him as they want us to use him.
They know that he’ll turn the ball back over to them more than half the time. Trade bait.
Brent “The Running Man” Stanton – he might run all day but he couldn’t run quickly out of
sight on a dark night and he only knows how to run one way. Generally it’s away from the ball when the opposition have it. Or around the back of a mark or free kick to get a cheap kick
and rack up a few stats. It’s a slight on every Victorian that he’s been included in the state
squad. The worst culprit in our disgusting lack of defensive nous. And probably just nous in
general – he’s got less awareness in traffic than a Moroccan mini cab driver.
Have you got the barbie fired up yet Matthew? Cos there’s plenty more chops we can throw
on it. Ricky “Sleeps With The Light On” Dyson, Jason “Should Have Been Traded Last Year”
Johnson, Damien “Back In The 2’s Where I Belong” Peverill, Angus “Too Small, Too Slow,
Too Shit” Monfries, Henry “The Hack” Slattery.
I won’t continue on but let’s just say I hold grave fears for the crippling lack of ability shown by any number of other players on our list.
Unfortunately despite whatever you say the reality is we are in more of a world of hurt than
my poor receding hairline. The list assembled is not going to be going anywhere in a hurry
and despite 5 years of rebuilding we’re in a worse position now than when we started the
whole process.
Thank goodness for small mercies though. The small mercy is that Melbourne are pretty bad too. It’s unfortunate that we don’t meet them until very late in the year – I have a feeling that might be our next win. I don’t say “might be our next win” because we’ll win one before then, more that there’s a better than average chance we won’t even beat them!
Just in case you’re interested, from my perspective there was at least one positive to come
out of yesterday. I went to the Foo Fighters last night and they were pretty solid so I at least
managed some entertainment for the day. I got none from the MCG.
One last thing before I sign off. You’re obviously aware that Jonathon Brown’s out of contract at the end of the year. How about we put together a package for him to see if we can prize him off the Lions?
Let’s start with Laycock, Johns, Watson, Stanton, Dyson, Johnson, Peverill, Monfries, Slattery and even Lloyd at this stage as he couldn’t get a kick out of 2,000 volts. When they’re not interested in that, tell them we could even offer them a lazy $2 mil on the side as well.
That might at least get them to stop laughing. Then ask them who else they’d like and give them away too as the cherry on top.
At the end of the day, I have no say in what goes on. All I can do is protest in my own way.
I’m not happy, not impressed and not attending another game this year.
Yours in football,
Justin Shannon.
(name, address and mobile phone number supplied)
Matthew Knights faces the wrath of an angry supporter
Essendon Football Club
Attn: Matthew Knights 7/284 Barkers Road
PO Box 17
ESSENDON VIC 3040
Dear Matthew,
RE: Essendon Football Club Membership 305761
I’ve had occasion to write to your predecessor over the years and I must say that I feel as
though I became a close confidant of Sheeds. He came to me when he needed someone to
tell things exactly as they see them. And I didn’t mince my words, Matthew, I gave it to him
straight.
You haven’t needed me yet, but after the insipid debacle and abysmal coaching performance I unfortunately endured yesterday, I thought you might need a few home truths.
Firstly, could you give me some idea of what was going through your mind with your initial
match ups? Johns on Pendlebury? Michael on Lockyer? Windydick on Medhurst? One could only assume that you had a piece of the Pies at 73 with TAB Sportsbet.
I must say I appreciate that you’re attempting to introduce a fast attacking style of football. But I think what you don’t get is that you can’t do that with the muppets still on our list:
a) they have to be quick
b) they have to be able to sustain that quickness for more than 30 minutes
c) it helps if they don’t call for the saw dust when they get the ball.
Let’s take a look at a few of my favourites:
Jason Laycock – 5 years for 50 possessions. I wouldn’t call that a great return on investment. He is a big, lumbering, useless dope. He just plain doesn’t care. Sally Robbins has more of a go than this dud. Remember that Aussie classic David Williamson’s The Club? Laycock is Geoff Hayward. I’d actually get him drug tested just to ensure he hasn’t seen any golden winged seagulls. He should never play for Essendon again. Full stop.
Courtney Johns – do I even need to say anything or did the article in today’s Age just sum it up? Another who should never play for Essendon again. Cut your losses. He should be embarrassed to earn money for that performance. He should be offering to pay Essendon back for the money he’s thieved off them over the last four years. Just to add insult to injury he’s not an attractive man and really doesn’t have a lot going for him.
Jobe Watson – also known as the Butcher. I do like the fact that Jobe at least has a go but
his skill and pace are deplorable. Do you think there’s a reason why he gets 30 touches a
game? The opposition coaches don’t bother manning up on him as they want us to use him.
They know that he’ll turn the ball back over to them more than half the time. Trade bait.
Brent “The Running Man” Stanton – he might run all day but he couldn’t run quickly out of
sight on a dark night and he only knows how to run one way. Generally it’s away from the ball when the opposition have it. Or around the back of a mark or free kick to get a cheap kick
and rack up a few stats. It’s a slight on every Victorian that he’s been included in the state
squad. The worst culprit in our disgusting lack of defensive nous. And probably just nous in
general – he’s got less awareness in traffic than a Moroccan mini cab driver.
Have you got the barbie fired up yet Matthew? Cos there’s plenty more chops we can throw
on it. Ricky “Sleeps With The Light On” Dyson, Jason “Should Have Been Traded Last Year”
Johnson, Damien “Back In The 2’s Where I Belong” Peverill, Angus “Too Small, Too Slow,
Too Shit” Monfries, Henry “The Hack” Slattery.
I won’t continue on but let’s just say I hold grave fears for the crippling lack of ability shown by any number of other players on our list.
Unfortunately despite whatever you say the reality is we are in more of a world of hurt than
my poor receding hairline. The list assembled is not going to be going anywhere in a hurry
and despite 5 years of rebuilding we’re in a worse position now than when we started the
whole process.
Thank goodness for small mercies though. The small mercy is that Melbourne are pretty bad too. It’s unfortunate that we don’t meet them until very late in the year – I have a feeling that might be our next win. I don’t say “might be our next win” because we’ll win one before then, more that there’s a better than average chance we won’t even beat them!
Just in case you’re interested, from my perspective there was at least one positive to come
out of yesterday. I went to the Foo Fighters last night and they were pretty solid so I at least
managed some entertainment for the day. I got none from the MCG.
One last thing before I sign off. You’re obviously aware that Jonathon Brown’s out of contract at the end of the year. How about we put together a package for him to see if we can prize him off the Lions?
Let’s start with Laycock, Johns, Watson, Stanton, Dyson, Johnson, Peverill, Monfries, Slattery and even Lloyd at this stage as he couldn’t get a kick out of 2,000 volts. When they’re not interested in that, tell them we could even offer them a lazy $2 mil on the side as well.
That might at least get them to stop laughing. Then ask them who else they’d like and give them away too as the cherry on top.
At the end of the day, I have no say in what goes on. All I can do is protest in my own way.
I’m not happy, not impressed and not attending another game this year.
Yours in football,
Justin Shannon.
(name, address and mobile phone number supplied)
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